I thought it’d be fun to make a list of my 7 favourite non-flying birds. Just a little interview and a picture. It turned out to be harder than I thought.

#1 Oswald Garcia, Ostrich (pictured above)

‘Go away’

But I’d just like to..

‘Seriously, fuck off!’

Mr. Garcia then sticks his head in the sand.

#2 Elspeth Kunto, Dodo

‘How did you find me?’

It was pretty hard to be honest.

‘Oh. Look, look over there! A bird!’

Wait what? Where? Miss Kunto??

#3 Vasily Onisim, Rockhopper Penguin

‘500 US, my friend..’

I’m afraid as an NGO we can not offer you a financial compensation for your..

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five hundred US dollars, capiche, and throw in some tuna too.’

#4 Celine Dior, Kākāpō

‘Nom, nom, nom.’

Sorry, excuse me. Do you have time for a quick..

‘NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM..’

#5 A concerned Emperor penguin parent

‘Look son, I’m not saying you can’t talk to strangers’

‘They have candy? Fine! Want to touch you? Go ahead!’

‘Just watch out for those coming for an ‘interview’. Pretending they’re all interested and then make fun of our waddling afterwards. Especially that old creep. What’s his name again? David Attenborough. Blegh!’

‘Hey you, yes you, over there with the notepad.’

‘What do YOU want?’

#6 Heinrich Flügelfreud, Kiwi

‘Yeah, I’ll send you my picture..’

#7 Añuli Gadise, Duck

‘Oh, poor boy, of course you can have an interview!’

‘You know I’ve been an intern too. It’s hard at the beginning. Not knowing exactly what to do. Getting the wrong coffee all the time.’

‘Anyway, what would you like to know? My professional background? I used to be a linedancer. Those were the days. Toured all over the world. Fell in love many times – I had a thing for hippo men. Some say they’re not good looking, but my gosh, wait till you see them linedance. Oh my, I’ve been talking for ages. Do you still want those pictures? Here’s my favourite pose, makes me look intellectual, anyway, VERY NICE talking to you Rudolph. Good luck with that internship, you’ll get there, hang on, ciao ciao!!’

And then she flew away.